Jor's MOVIE REVIEW of the THING: Galaxis (1995)

**Joranthalus** · October 27th, 2004, 02:23 PM

Sam Raimi is in this movie. Yup, Sam Raimi. I'd really like to ask him why he agreed to be in this. I mean, Ted Raimi i could see in this piece, but Sam?

Anyway, Brigitte Nielson, playing against type, is a large, butchy woman who can't speak clearly. Bull, from Night Court, is Darth Vader. I can't even begin to explain how Darth Vader he is. So, it's Bull VS. the Ex-Mrs Stallone in a battle for a little pink crystal thingy that will allow, um... well, there is some reason they want it, but i don't believe the movie ever mentions what this reason is.

The film starts out as an epic space opera, but quickly moves our main characters to earth where it's much less expensive to film a movie. There they meet this dude who has a pink crystal. Is it the same pink crystal? Did they go back in time? How much weight, exactly, did Brigitte gain since Beverly Hills Cop 2? Again, the movie never really explains this. However, it all culminates in a boiler room factory with lots of catwalks and railings. Several people fall to their deaths.

There's also a hard-nosed detective team trying to follow everyone around and figure out what the hell is going on, much like anyone watching this movie.. They apparently get extremely frustrated from not knowing, cuz one of the detectives delivers his lines like he's having an annuerism (sp?).

This movie uses every hollywood cliche in the book. It's Star Wars, Star Trek, Star Gate, Terminator, Masters of the Univers, every cop buddy-film, and so much more....

There's a wonderful scene with Bull doing the Darth Vader crushing-a-dude's-throat-with-the-force thing with his fist mere inches from the guys throat. Why not just reach out a couple more inches and crush it yourself? Maybe that would have been too expensive.

Anyway, i watched this entire movie friday night and i have almost no recollection of doing so. This movie makes my memory hurt.

So, next week i'm gonna be watching a new flick called Galaxis...

10 stars!

The end

[ October 27, 2004 11:25 AM: Message edited by: Joranthalus ]

**Mr. Bungle** · October 27th, 2004, 02:27 PM

Fantastic review!

**Andyman** · October 27th, 2004, 02:28 PM

Is Richard Moll still alive? He made a few cheesey scifi movies didn't he?

**grail25** · October 27th, 2004, 02:31 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Bungle:
Fantastic review!

**Tr3s** · October 27th, 2004, 02:37 PM

Anyway, i watched this entire movie friday night and i have almost no recollection of doing so. This movie makes my memory hurt.

So, next week i'm gonna be watching a new flick called Galaxis...

Brilliant! Much improved!

Your mind is beginning to develop the proper compartment for self-imposed willful self-flagellation.

Bravo, moi amigo!

**Joranthalus** · October 27th, 2004, 02:48 PM

Thanks, guys [img]smile.gif[/img]

Andyman, http://www.hostboard.com/cgi-bin/ult...&f=7870&t=3440

**madadman** · October 27th, 2004, 04:15 PM

Originally posted by Peter Peeker:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by madadman:
Richard Moll. So under appreciated. His work in The Sword and the Sorcerer was beyond compare. Can it get better? I submit that it cannot. [img]wink.gif[/img]

a true classic, that movie!<hr /></blockquote>Yep. Loved that flick. So what ever happened to Lee Horsely...? [img]confused.gif[/img]

**Darkest Angel** · October 27th, 2004, 05:26 PM

...I didn't have any idea that any of the people mentioned here were still alive. Including some of you boarders... [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

Still, I think the real question is...How many men has Bridgette turned gay?